portlandgeek

There are few constants in life, as we all know, but one thing that holds true for every person of any gender, race, or religion is that we all need to eat some time. In fact, most of us need to eat a lot of times, and for people whose schedules vary greatly, there is one great place to fulfill that need during any hour of the day, almost any day of the week. Portland’s “The Roxy” is open 24 hours a day and 6 days a week (not open Monday) so you can stop in at nearly any time and get yourself a bite to eat, hang out with friends, take in the atmosphere, and generally just enjoy being a consumer of good food.

Located in downtown Portland, between 11th and 12th avenues on Stark Street, The Roxy is a little restaurant that you might not notice even if you’re walking by. It is what one might call a “hole in the wall”, but should you happen to be on the look-out and wander your way inside, you’ll find that you’ve entered a place with a unique atmosphere, pleasant service, and spectacular food.

If you take a look around the room when you first enter, you’ll notice several unique decorations: autographed pictures of celebrities who have eaten there (including David Lettermen and Drew Barrymore, among others), a plant growing out in a pot, no, is that… a toaster?, a clock which tells time…. backwards, and — my personal favorite — a “Portland Fucking Oregon” t-shirt on the wall. This is all in addition to the jukebox in the back, and various other decorations that you’ll just have to visit to see for yourself.

At The Roxy you will always be seated promptly, considering that you seat yourself, and there is almost always a free table to at which to hunker down for a good meal. Waiters and waitresses are quick to bring you a menu and ask if you’d like to get something to drink while you browse through your options. They offer a wide variety of drinks, and you can add a shot or two of any syrup that you would like to any drink you order; I would recommend trying a root beer with one shot of orange and one shot of vanilla (it’s like an orange-cream soda!) but stay away from the root beer with one shot of Irish cream and one shot of lime (that one combo is like a one-two sucker punch to the face).

The menu offers a wide variety of burgers and breakfast items, all of which have proven tasty so far. You’ll find all of the usual here: barbeque bacon cheeseburgers, mushroom cheeseburgers, French toast, Big Ass Biscuits and Gravy, the Quinton Terentuna Melt, and of course, the Lord of the Fries (which are, by the way, the absolute best chili cheese fries on the planet known as Earth).

The greatest thing about The Roxy is that all of their food is absolutely fabulous; nothing has ever disappointed. Lord of the Fries is a must-have every time you visit, and the barbeque bacon cheeseburger is to-die for. In fact, it took about five visits to The Roxy for me to even branch out and try anything else, because the burger is so good. When I finally tried the French toast and the Big Ass Biscuits and Gravy though, I wasn’t disappointed. I am thoroughly convinced that everything on the menu is done right (and believe me, it seems next-to-impossible for restaurants to do biscuits and gravy just right).

The Roxy also offers plenty of very tasty-sound desserts. Unfortunately, their portions for the meals are so big that I have always been too full to try any of them. This is both delightful and upsetting; it’s great to know that you can fill an empty tank for the price of a standard burger (all of The Roxy’s prices are more-or-less comparable to other burger restaurants, Denny’s, and the like) but just once I would love to try a bite of their pie without feeling like the tank is going to overflow.

After you’ve had your fill it’s no painful experience to pick up your check, pay the tab, and head back out in to downtown Portland. The only complaint is that The Roxy does charge an 18% gratuity for groups of about 5 or more, but since the service is always excellent you shouldn’t have any qualms about tipping, right?

The Roxy is, bar none, the best burger joint in Portland, and if you’re ever in the area and in the mood for a good time and a good meal, you should definitely head to downtown and grab a bite to eat.

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